Bigger Picture. Preserving the Harvest.

Food.

1. Buy it with thought
2. Cook it with care.
3. Serve just enough
4. Save what will keep.
5. Eat what would spoil
6. Home-grown is best.
Don't waste it.

Food for thoughts!

 

 

One of the biggest challenges that Saucy Roots has afforded me has been to seriously look at is the "bigger picture" what does that look like now, what does my future shaping up to look like, and what did I miss out on when looking in the past. One could stop and think about what life has been like, hell we can sit and look through the digital files of .jpegs that fill our computer hard drives of memories and flick through images upon images of tears and smiles gone by but there seems to be that emotional attachment that drives us to look back. A comfortable spot that looks almost the same as the couch we are sitting on to run through memory lane.

 

Some memories make a warm cozy feeling well up in our hearts such as a baby being born, the smell of that new skin and the smiles that little one puts on when he or she recognizes someone for the first or third time. Other memories traumatize our very souls because we were put in situations we know little about but leave us hurt in bigger ways then we can imagine.

 

Time, for some people, is measured by experiences and emotions felt. I admit I am one of those people. Photos can stir up memories of the past but the emotion will tie me to a disaster or two in no time. Experienceing an emotional disaster this morning as I type this. ( Gotta get it out one way or another. )

 

 

There tends to be a protective power force shield that wraps around each of us. I blamed it for a long time on the fact I was born under the astrological sign of Cancer and my crab shell was the safest place I could be and by gawd, no one was allowed into my shell.

 

Stay out! Beware!

 

The perfect signs that were stapled to the hard shell and that's the way I wanted it to be.

Leave me the frick alone.

 

When stuck behind this shell I had no idea the true vulnerability that this shell really had. When looking at a crab shell in real life they are seriously not that strong nor are they as thick as the creature thinks they are. This leaves the creature vulnerable but still fearless and willing to fight any battle that leaves them scared and afraid. Personally, I felt that my shell was so thick that nothing could ever penetrate and of course I was completely safe from the outside, thank you very much.

But the truth lies in the reality of the what made up that shell coating in the first place.

I can conjure up so many images and memories that trapped me inside my shell. There wasn't a balance of happy moments where I wouldn't need my protectiveness.

 

 

The biggest challenge it left me was a small vision of what life was. Trapped in the everyday activities of life or habits that kept me safe from straying outside the house, or my protective shell, when I would venture out. Looking at the "bigger picture" or plan for my life was not an option. NOR WAS IT IN MY RADAR SCREEN.

 

There was no direction, there was no purpose, there was no point.

It truly feels amazing today to be writing in a past tense.

 

Recently, I have been reading through books that talk about Soul Ties and what types of relationship are created when we  live behind a protective shell and a narrow point of view. Looking at was is created turns out to be a very mundane day to day life that rolls along in an unassuming way. Leaving no room for adventure or excitement unless it's very controlled and in a very safe place not only physical but mentally and emotionally. Sorry but this also leaves no room spiritually.

 

So what does the bigger picture look like? Is it as simple as planning out what to preserve from that garden and how much a family of three could eat within a month? Well, honestly I thought so! Transformation was the key to everything!

 

Change your mind! * Change your attitudes! * Change your habits!

 

These could be the biggest phrases any life coach can cheer about but it really isn't as simple of a change as laying out your dinner menu for the next month or the next week. It's even a little more complicated then laying out a food preservation plan for the entire year or what to stock up on in case SHTF!

 

 

Cases or cans of beans and rice can be calculated and measured for any number of people in a family for a single year or over multiple years. There are plenty of websites that have built in calculators to help you figure out the cost per weight per family member including whatever animals that reside in your care.
 

We are talkin about a preservation of the soul, the body and the heart of you and me. Figuring out the numbers and weights of rice or pasta to store under your house for the zombie attacks is grade school addition and subtraction compared to this!
 

Preserving the harvest from your garden can be looked at in a different way. It's the preservation of who we are meant to be as humans, what are purpose is and the whole point to our existence. When we plant a new seed we have big hopes that each seed will grow up, produce fruit, set out new seed and then die back to the ground when it's life cycle is complete. Yes, we have all heard this same analogy, I only rehash it to show you the same concept in a different light.
 

Our parents planted seeds, one of those seeds took roots and started to grow. We grew into living beings that roll through the predictable stages of life, high school graduation with the basics under our belts, college graduation with great jobs and money income for our futures, marriage to who we think is suited for our future mates, producing more fruit by having kids, helping the next generation grow into healthy plants just like we have done, setting seeds by our actions and decisions we have made then eventually coming to our end when we reach old age. See, our lives can be measured and weighed. We can be found lacking. But is there more?

 

We can plot our lives on a timeline.
We can measure our movements to the outcomes we have produced.
We can settle for our created lives that bring us satisfaction but leave us empty.

In the eyes of others around us our accomplishments can be on a scale set by where we live and the standards that have been set by others and their measure of perfection for us.

 

So .... how do we take that comment and show it in a different light of preserving the harvest for ourselves and future generations? When we are setting strategic outcomes based off what others say is perfection will we truly measure up to who we are meant to be a humans? We won't! We can't! It's impossible. Standards will always change, scales will always be tilted one way or another and we will constantly be chasing one dream after another in hopes of truly measuring up to the publics eye.

 

So what then ... we have come to a point in the conversation with our selves that looks a little like this. Do I maintain the stays quo or do I change? What does the bigger picture look like?  What do I have as a purpose? What truly is the point to my existence?

 

It's easy to follow the crowd to go along the timeline of life that everyone goes through and on some level every single person follows that timeline. Don't get me wrong, I know I am on that timeline myself and can see the scary half way mark right up head.

 

 

Life really didn't start happening until I started asking that question for myself. To many moments in life left me holding too many carpet bags of shit that were really heavy to carry nor where they really moments or emotions that I wanted to carry any more. My little crab shell of a house was filling up and the hoarder in me was overflowing with visual impact. Here I was thinking my two bedroom, one and a half bathroom was quiet and cozy perfectly built the way I wanted it.

 

2 bedrooms and one and a half baths all crammed into less then 1,000 square feet was and is very limiting. To some, living that small is perfect its freedom its a dream life!

 

Don't get me wrong I would give anything to downsize my physical life to less the 400 square feet and write all day being debt free, but my emotional life and baggage needed to hit the road in search of something else. So that's where my questioning started to reshape my entire life. Each space of the shell was perfectly designated for the specific task of each room and the walls instead of being lined with wall paper was lined from floor to ceiling with bags. Each bag had a label and I am not talking Coco Chanel or Louis Vitton types of labels ... I am talking single words that would perfectly described the contents of each bag. Shame. Lies. Addiction. Fear. Anxiety. Pressure.

 

 

Preserving the harvest of fear, anxiety and troubles left me with self-doubt and so  much hurt that every relationship that was created was seriously doomed from the beginning. Ugh. Some relationships were tied together with unhealthy needs. Just simple needs of love that really could not be found with the person that I had just tied myself to. That is really hard to say and yet even harder to type. Being such damaged goods ( in the eyes of everyone ) I could have easily looked like any homeless woman walking any major city streets with 17 shopping carts somehow tied together with black trash bags covering all my beautiful precious carpet bags. The carpet bags of emotions that I lugged around because they were precious and what made me who I am, even though it was all created from my own fear and ignorance.

 

Little did I know that I was more then that. My life was bigger then what I was seeing. but then again, I never wanted or imagined looking out from behind the shell to what was really out there and what I had been creating for so long. All that was built was solely built on fear, anxiety and the intoxication of never having or never being enough.

 

Where are you in the conversation with yourself? Leave a comment below. Would love to know where you are on your journey. Thanks!

To see or read more posts from Saucy Roots please head over to SaucyRoots.com! We do publish other posts that don't always make it to our Blogger page.

Today. Tomorrow. Farmer's Market.

To read the latest story and see new pictures from the farmer's market please
head over to saucyroots.com! Thank you!

Choices. Resistance. Peach Butter.

 

 

Here it is the first part of the middle of July and the morning skies are dark and dreary. The humpies or pinks are running thick as thieves is the waters that surround our home, the garden has doubled in size from the heat we had over the fourth, but today the rains have moved in. All for the better my pretty!

As I lay here and ponder my morning and trying to figure my plan for the day this hanger over feeling is coming over me in swells! I start kicking myself for not reading the Cherry Coke Zero label sooner and continue beating on myself for finishing off the entire plastic bottle of aspartame ladled Cherry Coke. Bingo! Instant or in this case delayed reaction hangover. Those damn sweet nothings lined with fairness gets me every time. Damn Cherry Cokes, I just can't resist you.

Yesterday in our Saucy Kitchen (literally) we gathered around the stove and canned up peaches. An entire box of big fat juicy peaches turned into Peach Butter, Peach Pie Filling, Peach Jam and of course we dove into the first attempt and making Peach Pit and Peeling Jelly but the important part of the day was the company of a dear friend. Over and over the conversation was a battle. Not a battle of wits - well at times it turned into a battle of who could come up with a better solution to the other persons problems - but more like a constant battle of emotional outbursts. Luckily, this time my emotions and concentration was on the open flame and the gooeyness that was oozing out all over the stove top!! Yummy! The house smelled amazing with its new perfume of ripe-cooked-down-sugary-peachy-ness. We were in heaven. Not only with the smell but with the conversation. Strawberry Shortcake couldn't come close with here fruity smelling friends to how we smelled at the end of the jar happy session.

"Choose Your Battles"

That comment came up more times then not. Relationships of all sorts can be a struggle. You can be friends with someone or be a lover to someone and still not understand what the heck is going on and why the communication just absolutely sucks at some points in life and how three years later things can be spectacular. The mind boggling thing is when the crumbles start crashing to the floor we don't get why nor do we really understand what the hell happened to the good days. Believe me when I say this ... I AM NO RELATIONSHIP EXPERT!! I Repeat: I AM NOT A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT!
BUT I do like to dive into the workings of the human mind. With that said lets move back to choosing your battles.

We have all heard the saying "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" its probably some from famous guy who wrote a famous book that eventually turned into a favorite saying from a famous movie, right? We really don't know where the good sayings come from and we really don't care half the time, we just say them. We use them in the right moments when the the gettin' is good! Yet, then again we are told to "Sweat the Small Stuff". Could they make life more confusing? (they being anyone we really don't know who to place blame on, the universal THEY).

Yesterday we encountered an emotional battle that raged through our tiny kitchen. I will say this, I am so glad that our friend had a space to come so she could unload and I am so glad that she was able to focus on stirring the peach butter. Peach Butter requires endless cooking to thinkin' up perfectly and appearantly plenty of stirring. Amazing how one emotional upheaval, 2 pounds of blended peaches and 3 drops of vanilla could have been the perfect mixing medicine for the battle that was raging. The energy that was put out all over the kitchen yesterday was energy well spent but also energy well wasted. It's energy that will never get back but it is also energy that will bounce back. Plus, was it really an emotional battle that needed to be fought? Not my place to judge or say but you know there were really good points on both sides that came out as truth but then there were points of stubberness that also reigned supreme.  So when it comes to the energy of "sweating the small stuff" in this case, the emotional energy that was splashed on the walls and floors of the kitchen, this energy was taking up prime opportunity to be building a stronger relationship between the three of us that were spending a few hours canning. Instead we were bound to solve a problem. Yes, as the wallflower I learned from the conversation as well as everyone else for that matter.

Like I said it was good for her to be monitoring the stir stick so that I could concentrate on the details of "Sweating The Small Stuff" details like the cooking times and the amounts of ingredients for each batch of deliciousness.

Life is really kind of a funny thing when you look at what we let in to our lives. Resistance is a huge factor in building up rants in a combat zone of any relationship. The resistance to cleaning the kitchen after hours of canning. Oh yes, I have a little of that going on currently, while I sit here in bed still resisting the urge to get up and clean them there dishes but instead writing about it. Resistance to washing the dishes on a daily basis is sometimes a huge chore. If you live alone you can suffer the resistance a little easier, you can let things slide for a few days because it boils down to you and your own consequences but when you live with more then one other human being we must somehow be aware that the resistance to doing the dishes will affect the others in the same place. When we don't understand that it affect the others our resistance becomes their resistance to doing the dishes because they, in turn, don't think they need to be cleaning up after the person that left them in the sink in the first place.

Fair argument in my book. Just like no one is going to get in to my canning mess and clean it up - ohhhhhhh, how I wish they would. My resistance will soon have to be put aside and I will have to go and clean it up and I will have to "Sweat the Small Stuff" by making sure every piece of peach skin or peach meat gets cleaned of the pots, pans, stove top and walls! Let me tell you when I am canning there needs to be a swat team of cleaners in with plastic wear to clean up! Feel like a mad scientist at times.

We allow the resistance but it holds us back from learning more then just being the monitor for the stir stick. Instead focusing our energies yesterday on the troubles that she was resisting to we could have focused our energies on the task of peaches and realized that the jelly didn't set because we didn't put the pectin in. Ooops my bad. That detail was missed.

Our resistance can be a one-time-shot-in-the-dark-emotional-roller-coaster kind of decision. Case in point: a moment of anger leading to peeling out of your rock driveway spreading gravel like a giant fishtail out the back of your car while waving goodbye with your middle finger in the air! hummm .... how many times have we all done that!? When really we could have just smiled kissed our loved ones good bye and left with a smile on our faces and all of our fingers waving in the wind! Yes, we could get angry and "fly off the handle" and totally be justified in our own minds that we are right, but will it do any good in the long run? Will it really bring the others closer to us when we show them how great we are by spewing extra energy that makes us really look ugly? This is something that I like to type the word we with simply because ... well ... I have to admit. I could very easily be the woman with the bitch streak a mile wide! Easssily. The daily struggles of picking my battles and letting go of the little things I find are not only daily but they are hourly almost exhaustingly all the freakin' time! (said with an exhaustive drama effect and the back of my hand laid across my forehead for flare) Just want to make this one thing perfectly clear: This is a choice. You are making the choice in that split second to be all irate , irritable or annoyed all on your own. Make no mistake it is all your choice and your choice alone so you do have the ability to choose to react differently. Remember it takes 90 seconds for an emotion to run completely through your body. If that emotion or that energy last longer then 90 seconds then you are allowing it to continue to run until you think you need some closure that will make you satisfied whether its good for you or not.

Keep stirring the Peach Butter isn't quite thick enough.

There was a brief two years of my own life when I went back into the publishing world and work for two outstandingly bad women bosses. Both of them were controlling bullies that treated everyone like they were her footstool. They reminded me of that "Alice in Wonderland" with Johnny Depp. You can see her, right!? The Queen of Hearts when she would yell for her footstool and in would run her pig! Well, that is exactly what working under these two women turned out to be, more or less.

More times then not I would be angry, pissed off at the world and by the time I got home from work every night I would be tied in knots. My stomach would hurt my brain would be fried and not to mention the infections that I endured. Finally, the last publisher (who in my book had no right to her job and only got the job on false pretenses saying she was a motivational speaker) fired me. The greatest moment in my life, one of the most freeing moments so I thought at the time. Little did I know she would continue to make my life hell for the next year after that, I take that back the next 10 years or $100,000. Long story short. My resistance to bad and poorly run management, though it could have been justified, used up so much emotional energy and left in the mind of a few others that I had seriously gone crazy. Thought so my self at times. I became a woman that used that bitch streak on more then one occasion and I can proudly say my loud voice closed the doors to many of the other businesses that were in the same building on the same floor.

Lesson learned.
Huge lesson learned.

Experience has shown time and time again that if I allow the battles to choose for me my energy will come out swinging, my fist will be up and ready to fight, I will cower in a corner for only so long before the wild beast rears my ugly head. I will go into a survival mode like no other and it not only frightens me but others around me. If I don't catch the anger and stop immediately (or after 90 seconds) I can and will obsess on it to the point of ruining relationships then my emotions are wasted and not focused on the betterment of others. I get emotionally hijacked! Damn demons!

So what have I done to make a change? Lesson learned: let go. Lesson one: I don't work well for others. This blog has turned into my rant space so that I can type out issues, think things through and re-read older posts to see if I have grown or helped others through tough situations. Canning peaches or pulling weeds give plenty of times for me to evaluate the battles that lie before me. The quiet gives me a chance to figure out if the battles are worth moving me in the direction of where I want to go vs. being the angry self-righteous bitch that I used to be.

The moments of quiet make things simple, breaks things down to consider my options, to consider the bigger picture and to really take that closer look at the goals I have laid out in front of me and focusing on the better person that I am becoming. From now on the emotional energy that comes out needs to be of building people up, empowering their healthy choices and celebrating the small and huge wins that others can achieve. For me (as I tap in my heart with my right hand) this is my hearts song this is what makes me happy. This is my bliss.

Happiness, joy, contentment these are a few of my favorite things! When the dog bites, when the bee stings ... oh wait. Sorry.

Squirrel!

Happiness, joy and contentment are the good emotions that drive us all towards personal productive and creative moments. Emotion is energy that needs motion get it e-motion. uh oh that's a song to! Come on sing it with me now EEEEEEEEE-MOOOOOOOOOtion! EEEEEEEEEEEE-MOOOOOOOOOOOtion. Emotion will power all kinds of motivation whether its good or not for us. So when choosing your battles which emotion do you want to feel? Happy, productive or Angry, defeating?

In watching my friend yesterday spewing all over my kitchen, ugh which I better get in and clean, it became clear to me that her problem could be simply solved by changing her state of mind. It is not that she had a lack of good ideas. It is not that she has tried everything in her power to make things happen it is the fact that the one last tool that she hadn't tried was the biggest tool in her toolbox. She just needed to switch from being a hammer over to being a silky smooth cloth that could smile and wave good bye to her family as she left the house.

She just needed an emotional attitude adjustment!

She chose anger instead of happiness. So many times we all do this in those nano-seconds that could change the world. Gawd, knows I have done this a few times.

When I find myself in a state of confusion or an emotion that I don't think is good, STOP, for a second, consider what this looks like in the mirror, what does my facial expression look like what is my body doing? Are my teeth clenched are my hands cramping because they are tightly bound in a fist? Are my shoulders slumped over in a motion of ready to kill? Do I look like Wolverine?

Expressions can be everything! If you look in a mirror, I mean really look at yourself when your angry are you damn good looking? Sexy? Ready to meet the world head on with all you happiness? DROP the mood, take a time out, walk away, journal, clear your mind. Fixing a problem with angry thoughts will only breed a get-even kind of solution. Take a nap. This helps me, read a book, pull weeds until you can't cry anymore or jar up every bit of food in your freezer for the sake of clearing out at least one thing you can control.

ROLL out new words. First in you mind, through your prayers and then from your mouth. Words opposite then the feelings you were just experiencing. Time wasted on angry words will never come back. The way you make people feel will never heal. They may forgive but the will remember how you made them feel.

Take the time to be quiet and rethink your moments and really ask yourself if you are just stirring the Peach Butter or are you learning how to make the other recipes that are cooking in the stove top. Nothing will ever stop you from learning and growing quite like a bad mood or a bad attitude.
Are you making Peach Butter in your life right now?

Abundance. Solstice. Fire

"When we speak of magic we should speak of those moments that were the purest, when the stars were bright and the laughter was loud. Those are the most magic moments in life." Welcome to out midsummer solstice adventure.


Around our house ...
Celebrations are done with fire.
Cleansing is done by fire.
Canning is done with fire.

Its only been a couple hours since everyone left but the embers to the campfire are still keeping my toes warm at 1 in the morning. Curled up on the lawn chair staring into the fading flames gets the mind rolling. Gets one thinking about the night that just unfolded and the first six months of the year that has just passed. Hard to believe that its already June and the nights are getting increasingly longer. It wont be but a week before the shift will happen and the sun will start fading. Why is it that summer starts when the sun starts heading dark? A question I will never understand. Until the darkness comes again the best thing to do is live each day in the best way we can and enjoy the company of friends around the campfire - and that is what we did tonight.

The summer solstice has always had a special place in the hearts of many. The earth is at its fullest, the sun is at its highest and the beauty of nature has reached its full splendor. All most everything that is planted and growing is at its peak of freshness in the garden, the leaves are greening and the blooms are busting open for the fruit that will come in just a couple more months.


The solstice has been celebrated since the beginning of time. The longest day meets the shortest night and the growers spend a major amount of time outside in their fields tending their crops and waiting to see what the earth will produce. The long days are perfect for the growing season. We all do better in the hot summer sun, just as the plants we grow, we stretch we strive for better things. We get excited that our gardens will yield the perfect amount of veggies and fruit so that the preserving can start and the winter dinners wont be so bleak. Right now, in our garden the spring crops are setting their seed while the cool crop seeds are started in the shade.
Humming birds are fighting off the bees at the feeders, the black boys are laying dazed in the shade of the trees and the ocean is giving us the lowest tides of the year. There is a beauty that extends to every living thing, a glowing sense of virility and the most powerful heartfelt laughter can be heard from the mouths of happy people everywhere. Summer has her magic and she know how to use it on us.


We have an interesting way of celebrating the passing seasons and the passing of time. Not in the normal pagan or Christian ways, neither will you see normal celebrations that resemble much of anything from any culture but what you will find is all the above with a twist. To be an attendant to one of our campfire celebrations you must bring an attitude of adventure. You have to bring a wistful-go-with-the-flow time schedule. There is no rushing out on one of our parties. You just never know what you will find to do next or where the next laugh will come from and you will surly not understand why your laughing but you will leave at the end of your night scratching your head and thinking twice about some of the things that you do believe to be true. You will question your sanity or mine for that matter but you will be thankful for the hours spent around the fire with some strangers and some perfectly good long life friends. If you are ever handed a specially made invitation to one of our parties any one that has been before will tell you that its not something to just pass off.


Our solstice gathering this year was mixed with the graduation celebration of David's third and last man-child. The crowd was a mixed bag of teenagers, twenty somethings, and our adult friends. So to keep things a little under control and a not so far out there we celebrated with food, lawn dice, abundance prayer sticks and of course sparklers. The man-child requested bbq chicken, potato salad, beans and bacon, and dad of course had to have his Rolling Rock. An interesting game of lawn dice started with the kids - I didn't quite understand what it was that they were playing but if I had a bigger glass of punch I may of joined in. Maybe.
At one point during the early evening everyone gathered around the fire for their instructions and heartfelt thanks for coming to the gathering. Everyone received a piece of driftwood, a piece of paper, a piece of lilac purple lace and a sharpie. With this in hand they were sent off into the garden to gather thoughts and whatever they wanted from the garden's foliage to make their abundance prayer stick with - nothing was off limits. Not even the gooseberries!

Once the sticks were bundled and their prayers written we sent the messages off into the universe with the flames and the slight southern breeze. We had a good couple hours to talk and laugh, to be gathered amongst our fellow family members and catch up on each others lives since it had been a few months from Candlemas. Everyone's year has been progressing, some goals have been met while others were put on hold for new and exciting adventures. Some goals will take a little longer to accomplish but the summer night around the fire was a great time to renew our thoughts towards those goals and a great opportunity to start fresh, to renew our energies and to connect with a great support system.


As the night drew on and the sun set lower, the fire burned brighter and my heart began to over flow with kindness, with a sense of overwhelming love for the group of people that were surrounding our hearth and home. I sat back and listened to the jokes, watched that laugher become tears and was very thankful for the time of kicking back and observing the people around me. This is exactly what makes my heart sing. Conversation. Connection. Community.

Then it all changed.

Three long skinny boxes emerged from the darkness, it was a sigh of wonder kinda moment. One of those moments when the gruffest of men melted, the strongest of women giggled like little girls. Each on of us had a light, a sparkler of hope that glimmered but for a few short nanoseconds before the glittering flame vanished but in those seconds we lit up the darkness with our hands raised high for all to see the smiles that was coming from our sparklers. It is very interesting to me that the light can dispel the darkness and still manage to bring joy. Guess that was the plan after all for a single shred of light ... to bring hope.


Our secret!? Well our secret is this: nights under the brightest stars, kindness spread without thought, love of friends and family but most of all its the living in the moments that can only be shared with a sense of wonderment and adventure. To long for things that are different, to celebrate in ways that are strange yet unearthly satisfying but mostly its about creating the moments that we know will last forever.

Lyme's. RMSF. Update.

Hey there!

Here it is my most recent update and I am camped out under my very large green and white stripped patio umbrella that has become my closest friend and all I can do is shake. I feel the bitter cold running threw my veins as I literally sit in the warm soon-to-be-summer sun. Yes, my body chemistry is a little off right now due to the meds or the more recent lack of meds.

Just a quick update to fill you all in on my new found lifestyle of living with Lyme's Disease and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever (RMSF). I have become allergic to one of the antibiotics that help ward off the lovely bacteria that is running chaotically through my body. Dr. Mandy has me on three different medications, one of them is Doxycycline which is to help keep back the Lyme's Disease, one is to balance out the yeast build up in my body from the first, and the last drug is Tinidazole and that is to ward off the RMSP. I have been off all three of the medications due to the burning that my hands have received. I have recently posted pictures to all of the Saucy Roots social media sites asking if people had an easy at-home remedy that could help ease the massive pain that I was in. At first, I thought it was a chemical burn due to a reaction from the meds and the glue or latex of my work gloves but even after I stopped using the gloves the burning and the blisters continued. So once again I headed back in to see Dr. Mandy (ok it was only after the local pharmacist yelled at me for asking for a burn cream that could help and he so bluntly told me that I was to run straight to the hospital for a prescription for what he thought could have been 2nd degree burns, wow I am a really bad judge of burns, didn't think it was that bad.). Dr. Mandy was baffled but seem to be convinced that I had developed an allergy to one of the meds. So we are now doing the elimination test on all three of them. No meds for a week. This was the freedom I found last week when I got to actually have a drink of our homemade wine! Yum!



My hands started clearing up as we expected that they would, of course there was really tough leathery like skin on my thumbs and my pointer finger where the worst of the blistering had taken place. My hands as of a couple days ago were feeling pretty good and nearly back to the right skin tone of any normal white Caucasian ginger. Gleaming white! There were a few pink spots where the new flesh has grown in and what looks to be left overs of peeling skin that resembles and bad sunburn. The healing has truly taken place from the inside out.

Last Saturday I had started to feel the effects of being off the medication for 56 hours. The crash began to kick in. Course it really didn't help that mother nature had to send Aunt Flow for a visit on top of it all. So yesterday morning around 4:30 I was determined to go back on at least one of the meds to figure out which one was causing the burning in my hands. My crash was not easy. I was sleeping more than I was awake and it felt like the bacteria in my body was coming back with a vengeance. Needless to say I posted on Facebook the wrong emotional battle and by the end of the day things were starting to turn around. Thank you all for your posts, comments, emails, text messages and so on each one of them really did bring a smile to my face and helped bring up my serotonin levels which we all know from the Turkey. Brazil Nuts. Sex. post that was published those levels suffer dearly.

The test started with the Tinidazole. There was a sneaky feeling in my guts that it was this one that was causing the burning. After a week of being on the drugs the very first time my hands would tingle and start feeling weird but I shrugged it off as the medicine doing its work on the RMSF. Well as you probably all saw from the pictures that was not totally the case. My hands were frying from the inside! Boiling my finger bones before my very eyes. (Insert a little dramatic music here and an eye roll.) As it turns out I am now off the Tinidazole forever, they will soon be flushed down the toilet as soon as Dr. Mandy finds out what the out come was. OR I could sell them on the black market for a heft price to pay for the next round of medicine in a couple weeks since I don't have insurance!? (That part is only half a joke or ... is it half serious?) Yes, my hands flared up and the new skin started steaming up, getting irritated and red. New red spots appeared and the burning kicked in about dinner time. So now to wait four more days for that to clear up so that I can get back to the Doxycycline and see if that will do any damage.
Will keep you all posted as things go along but please don't think that I am going to post regular updates since I do not want to be known as the poster child for both diseases. Please note that I am trying my hardest to worry about bigger things such as the fact that I have friends that will be homeless and that there are still too many starving children in this world and clearly not enough people growing their own food. My problems effect me right at this moment and yes, they are huge problems to me but there are other issues that need more attention. I will try to keep my posts on social media to happy thoughts and not of emotional spews or rants. Hell that's what this blog is for!! :)

As always, thank you again for your thoughts, prayers, suggestions, helpful information, and links to anything that I can read about or get my hands on. I do appreciate all the love and support that you have shown over the last couple weeks.
Will leave you with this quote and an update on the garden and how it looks right now! Enjoy!

Lime. Lyme's. Limes

Where we all live there is a new battle raging around us whether we like it or not. Old battles rage on but the new ones take new shapes and forms in hopes of taking the world by storm and conquering every last human. This time the battle starts with a little tiny bite that you may not feel, may not sense or may not see any reaction from. The worse part about the new raging battle is you might not even know that you are even involved or completely unaware that the creature causing so much grief is after you as a host. Seems a little unfair since they attack and you may not even know it until the fever kicks in and your joints start to ache.

The physical location of our small garden is in the archipelago of the San Juan Islands. We hail from the island that has been known for the war over a shot pig and the production of lime for at least a century.  Lime mining for the purposes of building construction materials such as bricks, mortar, cement and other such related things. Massive lime kilns dot our western coast line and a long history has been written about our deep water harbors where the giant wooden schooners would sail in and haul out tons of the lime that had been fired down into a new usable form. You are more than likely one of the recipients of the cement by products that I am talking about (maybe not from our specific kilns but you get the drift). These same kilns are now part of a living history of our special island paradise and can be viewed as you play a game of horseshoes right out side the hotel you are staying at. You can read infographic signs complete with pictures that will walk you through the entire process from start-to-finish. Plus, you can have a stranger take your camera and snap a happy picture with you and your loved ones standing in front of them. Ahhh ... the treasured memories of a great trip to the islands, meanwhile, the battle rages on just steps away from the happy scene.

One of my favorite fruit is the lime. Give me a whole lime sliced up in my margarita and I am a happy girl. One thing I really like about our community is that I can ask for double or triple the limes and they don't look at me strange anymore. They have come to expect it. Limes are also great when made in Limeade, of course! A dab of fresh squeezed lime juice in a quart size mason jar filled with water and a tablespoon of stevia for sweetener equals perfection!! Lemon is also a good choice and a more common choice but the lime is one of the best in my books. Most people tolerate the taste of lemons and limes with a sweetener of some sort like sugar or stevia. Since I am not allowed sugar my cupboards are filled with jars of stevia and in one corner of the garden a lonely stevia plant grows. New fascinating facts are coming out recently about the powerful weapon that stevia has become. It is almost more powerful in the battle that rages then even the drugs it takes to kill off the bacteria that is given from the bite that you may or may not have been the lucky recipient of.

Lyme's Disease is the new black, also known as Lyme borreliosis, it is an infectious disease caused by a type of bacteria known as Borrelia. (This is a rewritten sentence from Wikipedia so the links work if you want to check it out.) Well come to find out the army that carryies this infectious disaster has moved into the islands and is slowly taking charge. Few cases have been recorded and unfortunately my name has been added to the infectious disease record. BUT get this! I am also one of the few that has the prestigious opportunities to not only have one version of the tick borne infections but I have two! Guess, if I am going to do something I better do it up right. Go big or go home, right!? It is really too bad that we can't light the end of the ticks ass burn it to smithereens and turn it into a useable form of lime that could be spread on the garden. Hope springs eternal. Tell you one thing, The Center for Disease Control is just all giddy about the facts that are rolling in with the discovery of either a new species of tick that has been carried in to the island or the importation of the tick from the Rocky Mountains carrying Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Yes, this is the other lovely disease that is trying to rid me of this world.

Lets think about this for a minute. We are located in the beautiful stunning most Northern island of the Pacific Northwest, literally an hour and a half from mainland America and just about the same boat ride length of time from Mainland British Columbia, Canada. Nowhere in that statement did I say anything about Colorado, Montana, Wyoming or any other gorgeous state along the Rocky Mountain Ridge line. Needless to say some grateful host brought back this black little monster from the forest to our hideaway. Not really a hideaway when more then 1,000,000 people a year hit up the west side of our island to watch Orca Whales in their natural habitat. So here we are with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Oh joy. Oh wait ... oh joy! Luck me! Please pick me to torment! Oh wait ... you did. (Insert a seven letter word that you want to describe a person or thing while in a heavy emotional state of anger F _ _ K E _S!)
So here I sit under our shade tree typing you this blog post with all kinds of links to both diseases so you can read all about them - like I have - and you will understand what most of the people of the world with both or one of these lovely diseases deals with. Now imagine yourself in the position if you don't already have one or the other or both and how would you feel, physically, emotionally? Now that you have a good idea of what it looks like on you, scratch your head on this idea:

You have never been bitten by a tick.

Keep picturing if you will: some how the blood work from your last 9 vial draw reported back that you have both. Talk about a war.

Hold please ...
Hold on I need a drink of my limeade made with the bacteria fighting qualities of stevia.

Some of you may be keeping track of all my doctors appointments over the last couple years and have watched the process of my food habits changing and all the other dietary "crap" that I have had to contend with, if you haven't been counting the pills and supplements that line my counter well then here is a current count as of this morning. 12. This is either pill form, power form or liquid form. Four times a day I am in the kitchen mixing up anew concoction to feed myself.

Complaining you ask? Yes, a little.
Regretting every going to see Dr. Mandy in the first place? Yes, a little.
Thankful that I started seeing Dr. Many in the first place? Yes, a whollata grateful!

The best line from Dr. Mandy came right out her mouth at my second appointment after the blood work revelation. "You must have a strong constitution, 30% of the people that contract Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever die in the first week"! I laughed and said "oh, honey this isn't going to kill me." Luckily, I am passed the dying stage. (Haha! you will have to read more Saucy posts from me from now on!) If it wasn't for getting my body straight, clean, and healthy in the first place, switching our eating habits from the grocery store to the garden then my "strong constitution" would be a different story and I maybe lying wrapped in a brightly colored 1970' fabric quilt with a folded afghan for my pillow in a new fashionable Spring 2015 wicker style coffin with a magnolia tree guild planted on top of me.

Back to the comment NEVER BEEN BITTEN BY A TICK. I have never been bitten by a tick. So Dr. Mandy informed me that I didn't need to be. So guess what everyone!? You could just run straight into the larva and not even know it and end up with both infections. Doesn't that just sound FAB!!? As you may or may not have read the symptoms list for both. I really don't want to list it here but I will tell you that the only one ... the very single one that I have felt through this so far has been tiredness. My daily schedule has had to change because of the medicine. Before the sun comes up I am out in our small garden weeding, tending, harvesting or just after the sun goes down I am out watering and nit picking. As the sun comes up the huge hat goes on the long sleeve roll down to my wrists and the long pants stretch to my ankles, and I am off to other peoples landscapes to weed, tend, and so on. By noon I am home again for the second dose of meds and a 2 hour nap. (this is heaven, I know your jealous) Usually wake up in time for a protein shake full of antioxidants, more meds and a plan for dinner. Only to be downing my night-night meds with a big ol class of dark chocolate Almond milk (Thank you SILK) by 8 p.m.!  Then off to bed again. Sounds just absolutely glam, right!? More like annoying.

I like to be outside.
I like to be in the sun working and doing fun projects but noooooooooo, for the next 14 months I will be outside fully covered from my head to my toes in skin-covering clothes, 70 or 90 Banana Boat creams, massive hat, and a newly found patio umbrella that follows me everywhere. (literally) Thanks to the medication, I will burn easier than I could ever imagine for a ginger, I am no longer allowed any of our own homemade wine or any alcohol for that matter, no sugar of any kind (except for the chocolate milk which I sneak) since one of the antibiotics is for yeast infections, and of course no mid day trips to the beach to paddle board. (Unless you can help me figure out a way to mount my massive patio umbrella to the board to keep the sun off? Hahahahaaa! What a sight that would be! I could use it as a sail, less work on the paddling part!)

Hold on while a get another massive swallow of my limeade.

Makes me think every time I take a big swig that I am a pirate sailing the seven seas with my grog and fighting off scurvy with every drink. Limes were the hidden top military secrets for years when fighting off the natives at sea. Good gawd, that's a whole other topic of discussion "Natives" don't get me started so here right now I raise my limeade to those who fought scurvy with their limes. May I be just as successful! Arrgh!
Recent studies have shown that the bacteria Rickettsia rickettsia, (Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever) loves the taste of stevia. Clinical trials are so new on this and it all could be very wrong but what it is sounding like to me is the bacteria loves the stevia so it excepts the medicine easier to get more stevia, which in turn is killing the virus in its entirety. Common sing it with me now ... "A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down, the medicine go down, in the most delightfu way"! Like I said not much is being published on this yet - so don't go around quoting me - but it just sounds crazy enough for anyone to believe so I will stick to my quart jar full of limeade and the healing promises of stevia.

Hold please ... Need a drink.

At this point it would be great if someone could just drop a shot of tequila in there by accident so that it would really taste good. After being informed of the news I haven't had a chance to drink my troubles away. Never really been one to do that anyways but to me this looks like it could be the best opportunity possible to start a drinking problem.
As for the stinking war, I stand firm right now that them there ticks will not win over me, why I do declare. I may have lost the battle because of a sneak attack from the left bank but this bacteria will not win the overall war. The fight will continue to rage and if, I say IF, I could go back and relive that sneak attack over again I would with a little more warning and with a little forethought I would have squashed that little shit with my shoe before it had a chance to strike! I am bigger then this and I will win. Hell, I got the drug of its choice! I got the stevia!! So really I look at it this way, I got what it needs! I got the sweet addicting stevia that it craves, so with out me Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever has nothing! So who is hosting who?

For now, the war will rage, the medical bills will pile up, my complaining will stop sooner or later, and I will be drawing up new fancy stylish ways to be outside in the sun, editing my building blocks for the soil in my garden to include a little more lime for the veggies, and I will be designing that 1970's quilt that I will someday be buried in on this awesome incredible beautiful island that I call home. Have I painted a pretty picture about coming to this island of ours? Are you ready to make that reservation for the ferry and come over to the place where unexpected dangers could literally jump out and bite you leaving you with a huge bulls eye marking from the bite mark that could eventually lead to heavy fevers and sore achy joints all because you wanted to see the killer whales from an over priced whale watch boat in the natural habitiat? Anyone want to come for a visit? ;)

Happy New Year. May 2015.

We are all given the same amount of time in a day. 24 hours to do exactly what we want, or exactly what we need to get done before we lay our heads on the pillow at night. We are also given 30 days a month to change our lives, we are also give 365 days in the year to change the world. That is a grand total of 8,760 hours to simply be productive. The last 8, 760 hours that started Mother's Day weekend of 2014 was sure a fast year but definitely not a repeat of the previous 365 days of 2013. No "Groundhogs Day" going on here that's for sure.


In a matter of 8 of those hours and with the Sailor Black-Dawg helping me dig out the garden space and the side of the house our lives have changed for the better. Our health has changed for the better and our doctor bills have lowered ... for the better! Over those 365 days we never really would have thought that three dead looking bodies and one solid prayer of hope could change the lives of so many.

Our immediate family members enjoyed so many meals from the garden and we packed away so many jars of goodies last summer that we were astonished by the amount that was provided. The real joy was the idea that we could give some away. I do admit I was a little stingy at first but over the year I came to realize that it was just fine to share, to give away and to surprise people with half gallon jars full of ready made salad greens that were sealed tight and lasted two weeks in their fridge! The smiles were smiles of gratitude.



There have been many changes over the last 12 months and the visual changes of the garden have got to be the most noticeable. We went from a patch of dirt along side the house no larger then a twin bed it seemed like to a huge 10x30 square piece of land that was tilled up and domed up like three dead bodies.
It took serious convincing of the boyfriend to allow that much grass out of his loving tender care but he finally let go and actually helped till. He is from the South and you all know how hard it is for any South'ner to give up land. ;)






















We have gone from kneeling on the ground and pulling weeds through the murky waters at one end of the pumpkin patch to nicely leveled ground with titty pink boxes that are evenly spaced with the drainage problem fixed and more room to grow more food. With a grand total of 350+ square feet of garden space we are actually able to rotate our crops and amend the soils in each box for the next years seeds.

It's not just as easy as throwing in some starts in back fill and hoping for the best. No it definitely takes a good long silent prayer for help, a few angels and a whole library full of really well written books to learn from. This last winter those books were all over the kitchen table and my massive design desk.
Huge pieces of butcher paper with scribbles and big empty squares, salvaged glass windows were hung on the wall as make shift white boards for design ideas, and recycled skylights protected our leafy greens through the mild winter months. Little by little our small garden space took shape in our heads. There was one moment last summer sitting in the ferry line, coming home to the island that we live on, when we sat in the cab of the truck and worked out the numbers on the costs for new garden beds and the materials that they would be made from. Island prices for wood were outrageous, just like our veggie bill from the grocery store! We didn't even look into the cost of cement blocks at the time because we ended up choking on our lunch at the price of wood. So being the resourceful human beings that we are we sent a goal out into the universe - really it was another prayer on the wings of our neighborhood eagle - this is how it was stated aloud.

"May 2015, we will have brand new to us garden beds that will be: build with sturdy lumber that we will find, collect and pay no more than $100 for and we will paint them with the left over paints that we will mix together from the shed. We will shape the boxes square or rectangle so that each bed can be planted with companion plants to bring in pollinators and protectors for the veggies allowing for good veggies to nourish our bodies and a sense of freedom from the grocery store."

Well ... it happened. All of the wood for the boxes came in from many different sources. A couple of our landscape clients ripped out their perfectly good decks and the wood came home. A couple of the early boxes were built from tongue and grove slats out of a house remodel and were too good to pass up at the junk store. All the boxes were painted the lovely titty pink from the mixed up left overs of painting projects which eliminated the waste cost at the dump. Now each box sits in its place with layers and layers of cardboard, compost, topsoil, back fill, sand, and of course starts for the spring season.














The design process proved to be a little more complex than I originally imagined since the boyfriend allowed more space than originally thought. I am always up for a good challenge and this was perfect! We gained another 50 feet that now houses our cold crops and the starts to our tomatoes. Talk about hard-core impatience. I was praying for spring like you can't imagine. Oh hell, I will admit that a couple of weeks after putting the Christmas tree up I started seeds! (As you could see from the Vines videos this winter.) We had beans by February! Unfortunately, the corn died off but the whole planting process renewed spring within me and kept me going through the dark months.
The one major bonus that came along for us was the new fencing that we were not setting goals for, we didn't budget for nor did we even expect it. It was more like one of those long-term goals that was drawn up on paper "the new home for the raspberries" but not really on the forefront of our minds. Thanks to some friends that took down their old garden fencing that was hand-built we got not only that new home for the raspberries but a trellis for the vining fig and to great walls for the Boysan and Logan berries! SCORE!! We loaded each panel up and with hugs exchanged we drove them beauties home for a new life as a living wall of berries!














Not only has the physical appearance of the yard changed, not only have the boxes been put in place and filled with yummy starts but the inside of our bodies have changed with great food that we have grown for our selves. We do grow what we eat and nothing more. There is no sense in wasting the eggplants since no one eats them. We grow what we need and not too much more. If we do have more than in gets put up for the winter months.

You know how squash can be ... prolific!

Those extras get happily passed on to others. Now with all the space that we have there is definitely room for more. We have the chance to "Grow A Row" for the Food Bank and for boxing up things to hand out to the neighbors if need be.

Our little community of neighbors may not know this but they have helped in so many ways in getting our happy little garden space growing. Each one of them have yards that are loaded with blooming pretties of some sort or another, they all have invited birds, bees, and insects that bring a healthy community of wildlife. We have what you could say our own little permaculture right here on our 5 acres and 8 houses.


This last year 365 days have seen a multitude of changes and the changes that everyone can see has been for the betterment of our own personal lives, hearts, and souls but also for our little community of 8 houses. Next is the betterment of the outside community which is our small town and the people who live with in our 57 miles of an island. We will get there ... we have plans!

This is just the beginning to finding our personal freedoms from the grocery store, from the doctors office and from wasting what we don't need. Our lessons have been documented and what we have learned will be passed on to you when you read through up coming posts. The structure of the garden is now in place but the lessons we learn will keep on coming just as the produce that grows with in the soil that we have created. Our freedom starts in the soil, our roots need nutrients just as our lives need a solid foundation and room to grow.

Dads. War. Lemon Jam.

We have all heard the statement before.

"When life gives you lemons you make lemonade."

Other statements we have heard sound like this: "When life gives you lemons squeeze them in your hair and go surf!" or "When life hands you lemons make Limoncello!" or this is always a good philosophy quote, "When life gives you lemons grab the tequila and call the girls!" BUT first we hit that emotional crap that says "When life hands you lemons ... squirt them in people eyes!" There is nothing more satisfing at times than a little evil thoughts that bring a little vengence. If we are not careful though those little thoughts turn into a fifth of tequila, a serious hangover and clothes strung out all over the place.  :)

The boyfriend and I were handed a couple of lemons in our life times, our fathers. Some times it seems like those lemons get carried around with us everywhere we go. Want to emphasis this. Evvverrrywheerre we goooo. (Insert eye roll here). This morning one of the lemons resurfaced in the realization that the boyfriends father now has a Facebook profile. Really all I could come up with for a text statement was ... eventually everyone will end up on Facebook. My father also has a profile but he never goes on the darns thing. It would make things a lot easier if he did since he likes to call and ask how things are going but if he would just look at my profile then things would be less cumbersome on the phone.

Just realized how awful that sounded when the best thing really is a personal touch instead of the digital world taking over our lives. In this case though it would make things easier. You can probably see the tension in the air even as you read this. The relationship hasn't been great. Here is a quick history: He left. Mom was pissed. My life crumbled. There enough said about that. So for years of course I had to hear about the evil things my father did or stood for, had to listen to my mom belly ache about everything. As a teenager going into high school the last thing I needed was a messed up relationship that was going to drag me from one state to another for summer or holiday vacations. Needless to say I was a hot mess. one letter was written by me to him informing him that for the time being it would be best to stay away. I couldn't handle the drama. There was a 10 pound lemon bag that was draggin my ass to the ground all the freakin' time. Little did I know at the time of the war that was raging ... not only inside of me but also around me.

Years went by and I finally figured out that the bag of lemons were getting a bit moldy and needed some serious attention. The little net bag had lost its paper label and the lemons were a bit sorry looking. Wasn't until recently that a solution to the lemon problem surfaced and a reasonable explanation could fix it all. Wasn't until a couple years ago that I was able to think clearly about the cure for this little lemon sack.

Thank God for His patience.
Yes, He waited.

Trust me, I had my fair share of tequila and girl nights. Honestly, the clothes never got strung all over the place but there were plenty of mornings that were rough. Now that the thinking cap has been screwed on a little straighter things are looking a little more clearly. I have gone through a divorce in my life, ok two, and I get the fact that it takes two to tango but really you are not just dealing with the other person and the other persons attitude or mood swings or the fact that he doesn't listen, doesn't care or whatever excuses you can come up with but you are also fighting those evil little bastards that were handed down all those generations ago. You also come with our own little demons that talk smack and they compete against your partner too, so don't think that you have the perfect package wrapped up in a bright bow! Those freaking little demons that sit on your shoulder daily, hell hourly and "help you make good decisions". Well my middle finger flies up to those little "helpers" They have helped enough. The war that they are raging is unfair and completely uncalled for. They may have preserved that 10 pound lemon sack for all these years but it is time for me to fix them up and figure out a better plan.

That I have. The plan has been set in motion. The plan to heal and to be free is under way and so has Project Lemon Sack. One can really only make so much lemonade before the enamel the teeth starts rotting away. So troubles have started to melt like lemon drops (minus the Vodka). My attitude at this point is SCREW keeping calm and sipping lemonade. It's high time to start squeezing the lemon juice right in the eyes of the "helpers"!!

My solution is to make lemon jam.
Yeah that will teach 'em.

Fumbling through a vintage recipe book the other day and found a quick simple paragraph describing how to make this yummy jam. (Humpf.) My initial thoughts after reading the instructions. You just need a little lemon juice, a pinch of lemon zest, equal amounts of weights for lemons and sugar oh yeah and don't forget to cook it on the stove for hours. Well that really doesn't work for most people so I have fixed the step-by-step process.

Ready?
You are going to get more then you bargained for when you keep reading.
Satisfaction guaranteed.

Now, I am a girl that likes substance. You know the pulp! I love the thick pulp in orange juice too! If you are not a pulp drinker then please by all means strain it out. For me the pulp is the susbstance that adds to the mix. It's the raw material that makes up the whole, it's the problem that needs the solution. It's the part of the whole package and needless to say I love a good challenge so in this case the pulp stays.

Grinding away at the peel of a lemon can get a little weird, reminds me of picking at the scab on your knee from falling down. You want to take it all off so that the bitterness comes out and the sweetness can get on with things. No one wants to hurt, no one wants to bleed and no once wants that sour bitterness to linger in their lives after there is no more need for it. Kinda like the rough peeling of the hardness of our hearts. We could gently peel the layers off like an onion or we could just go straight for the gusto and shred that crap off! So we can pick or in this case we shred the lemon peel for the zest. The recipe called for a pinch, remember? In this jam we will use the peel of four lemons. We will use the total of 8 lemons or if you so choose you could use 12, 16, 32, 89 whatever you want just make sure you double, triple or use the 10x rule when adding the sugar.

Find a pot and fill it with four, count them four cups of water.
One of the four basic ingredients to everything.
Water the life force behind everything.

The one wet substance that thrives to make our lives easier when it comes to washing out the bitterness to the lemon peel or the scrapes on our knees. Salt water maybe the cure for anything that ails us but for this purpose we will only use clean fresh water as the cleansing department for the rinds that we have shred.

Turn the stove on to medium so that the zest and the water have a chance to cook out that nasty bitterness. Let it simmer down while you work on the rest of the lemons. Those precious simmering moments are perfect for thinking. Mindless job of cutting up lemons, squeezing out the juice and separating out the seeds handed quiet moments to think about the time that has been lost because of carrying around this almost moldy 10 pound bag of lemons.

Squeezing the juice reminded me of the bag that was squeezing the life out of body. Separating the seeds out was a good reflection of separating good thoughts from the tough ones. Truth will set us free and thank goodness for the truth that has been coming out through the transformation of this 10 pound lemon bag. Those truth thoughts are the happy makers, the bliss makers.
Working with lemons is tough business. If you have a cut on your finger the juice gets in there and really burns! I kept rubbing my eyes and getting the juice ... well you know what I am saying. So here is my word of caution:
DON'T STICK YOUR FINGER IN YOUR EYE IF THERE IS LEMON JUICE PRESENT.

Back to the pulp or back the real business of fixing up this lemon mess that we were dealt with. We are now at the stage where we can squeeze the juice from the lemons that we just cut in half and that we just shredded the rinds off of. There are many ways to get the juice out. Please by all means use your favorite method. My method was a little unorthodox. I took one half of the lemon in my left hand held it firmly and and squeezed the first parts of the juices out. In my right hand I had my favorite butter knife, I than began to scrape the insides out to free more of the juice but really to get more of the substance out. Then returned the halves back to the cutting board (aka the counter) I sliced them thinly, you know MORE PULP!  Seeds were left to the counter. Must admit though some of them made it into the simmering juice. I did fish them out later.


One of the most impressive ways for me to go at problem is to go straight for the core of the issue. So what! Maybe I like cutting to the chase and using a butter knife is somewhat safe. Somewhat. Safer then a steak knife! My methods of juicing are not recommended in a commercial kitchen setting but hey, I would never be allowed in that type of setting anyways. "Scary!" as the boyfriend would say.

With the four other lemons that are still whole and sitting on the counter I turned to them and cut them in half. Every problem or situation that comes our way always has 8 different sides. Every aspect of our lives are touched. Our emotional health touches are physical well-being which in turn touches are spiritual side that then brings shame that bounces off of us and bothers our social sides. When one side gets left out then the issue really never gets resolved. For instance, my bag of lemons was handed over to me the day I was born. I didn't deserve it, nor did I want it, nor was I raising my hand endlessly, excitedly or beggin for them. The unfairness of it all.

My father passed on family secrets and troubles that he was unaware of and so did my mother. As a few of these "issues"  have been unearthed the healing has begun. The truth is beginning to be revealed and who I am as a person is starting to become more clear. The little "helper demons" are vanishing and the sweetness is beginning to be brought forward with the simmering of the bitterness. What has cause so much bitterness can actually be contributed to more then just my own actions. Do I dare blame my parents? Hell no! Do I blame their parents for passing on poor decision making? Hell no! Could I possibly blame my great, great grandparents for there actions and their part in this whole family torment!? Well that too would be a hell no! Could I blame Eve!? Ooooooooh, how I wish I could but even then the temptations of us all drive us to create our own sacks of lemons.


So I scrap. I scrape the inside of the peel to my hearts content. All the scrapings drop into the steaming pot of zest and water. Zest, juice, and water simmer a little longer trying to rid the pot of the last bit of bitterness.
I don't time anything. As for this project there was no stop clock there was no timer set and gawd forbid I reach over and clear the microwave to see the digital digits of when I started! The recipe did say to cook for a while, remember?

For me the process takes time. It takes the smell of the substance it takes the patience of the slow simmer to reveal the true sweetness. Admittedly, every issue that has come up in life has always boiled down to the slow simmer, the endless thoughts of the what if's or the hours of weed pulling to come to the perfect solution. Yes, it drives people crazy that I don't have an answer right away but for me its about listening. chewing, believing. Have I dreamt of having the perfect relationship with my dad? Well of course I have but the reality sits at this: we are simmering to perfection.


One of the greatest advantages to having 8 sides like a stop sign is this, friendship. We all need a little help now and then to get through the rough patches, to help us get through the sludge that we find ourselves knee deep in and a helper who will just sit and listen. The best ones are the ones that listen and don't talk. Some of the greatest artist, chefs, and structual engineers have people around to help them solve their problems whether it be struggling with the perfect color green for sea water, or the amount of salt to drop in a sauce or finding the perfect balance between water and waste on the ships ballast. Every time I am in the kitchen creating some sweet master piece or just plain dinner I always have my right hand guy!

Buck-roo has heard it all. He is the one black boy that will sit right in the middle of everything and just listen. Of course he likes to throw out his opinions on samples of what's cookin' but most of all during the hardest questions he stares back and just wants more lovin's. Really that is what it all boils down to. We all want more lovin's. We don't need the false help. We don't need the misguided trust of lies. We don't want the crap dished out from our great grandparents. We don't want the hate. We don't want the bitter bite of sourness. We just want love.

So we add the sugar.
2 cups of sugar to be exact.

OR 1 1/2 cups of sugar and half o' cup of honey.
Your choice. We prefer the honey.

While the mixture simmers down and the jammin' up begins we can clean out and sterlize the jars that we need to put the new jam into. Cleaning out the trash of our hearts, cleaning out the spiderwebs of anger, cleaning out he dust of mistrust and years of unbelief helps us understand that there is more to life. There is more to the saying "when troubles melt like lemon drops!" (Thank you IZ for the remake of that amazing song. I will always sing that line.) We can freely step up and sterlize our lives with that fresh clean water and fill our selves with a new sweet substance that everyone will appreciate.


Is this enough? Is 2 cups of sugar really enough? Yes, the magic within the natural pectin of the lemon, the juices and the water mixed with the sweetness of the sugar lovin's all become the perfect solution to the never ending history of problems. All sides of us can let go. We can taste the sweet and let go of the sour. We can enjoy the moments that we are able to create fresh and we can enjoy a little lemon jam on our cornbread. We can finally let go of the netted sack with the lost paper label that was tied around us. We can be free from the tormenting helpers and learn to love the way that were were intended to give loved.

Once the lemons have been mulled over, squeezed and simmered they make the sweetest jam. Most of all we can shelve those lemons for another day. We can share them with friends, we can eat them at feasting time, or we can sit back with our feet up and enjoy a tablespoon in our tea. Those lemons no longer have their hold on us and they no longer give off the bitter flavor that sours and clouds our minds or our hearts. Lemons can be like Garth says: "Some of Gods' greatest gifts are unanswered prayers" or in some defiant, arguable cases they become answered prayers.

So raise those sterilized jars in gratitude, bless the jam that is about to fill them, seal the sweet substance and let cool. Once the seals have popped closed you know that you are free to let go! Put them on a shelf and never look back but share the experience every time you crack open a new jar. Smile and reveal in the experience of growing you just never know who may need to learn from your story. Cheers!