New Dreams. New Desires. New Year.

Happy  New Dreams!
Happy New Days!
Happy New Desires!
Happy New Ways!
Happy New Year!
Happy New You!

Since we always believe that something new and wonderful is about to happen we never think that we are too old to set another resolution or to dream a new dream. We also know that tomorrow will never happen again. Yes, January 1, 2015 will never happen again.

So we lay out our resolutions and the things we want to achieve, drink less alcohol (starting right after this New Years Eve party), get a better education, get a better job or get fit by losing weight, quit smoking, save money, take a vacation, and reduce stress but we never live up to the resolutions that we set.

Because we look down the endless candle lit table of options and we see the bubbly bar staring us in the face and mocking our very first idea of a resolution. We second guess ourselves and quickly change our minds.

Ball drop cupcakes with sparklers bursting out the top scream and laugh at us and our thoughts of losing weight or getting fit  turn to "who cares, no one likes a skinny sober bitch anyways" or "you resolve your self to hang out with friends that are heavier then you" and gawd only knows what is lurking in the midnight take home bags.

So we change our thinking and our resolutions to: think positive, exercise daily, eat healthy, work hard, stay strong, worry less, dance more and be happy.

Ahhh ... yes the simple goals that we really don't have to actually achieve.
We make plans to collect memories in a jar to look at next New Years Eve and remember all the special moments that looked great at those moments in time but as we become introspective that turns us right back to self-improvement and the annual ritual of making New Years Resolutions.

You think to yourself this year will be different. This time you will write down your resolutions on a napkin and drop them in your purse so that you can remember what they are. Maybe you will go out and buy that cute little Anthropology Resolution Kit that you saw on Pinterest so that you can keep everything organized and cute.

There are so many things that sparkle on New Years Eve. New Years resolutions are just one of them and they offer you the first and perhaps the most important opportunity of:

Remaking yourself.
Redesigning yourself.
Reinventing yourself.

If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you need to do is to WAKE UP!! Stop hanging out with people who ask you what your New Years Resolutions are and start hanging out with people that truly look at their resolutions and accomplish every single one of them!

The guest list for your next Resolutions Party will look a little something like this. Mr. Mission Impossible. Ms. Plan Ahead. Professor Recover-From-My-Past. Miss Push-Through-Anything. Mr. & Mrs. Dream. The kid down the street that figured out how to do more with less. Mr. Extreme-Edge-Pusher and of course Aunty Communicate.

The object of having a "New Year" is not to should all over your self but to have a fresh start and a new chance to begin again. Once we figure out how to achieve those new found resolutions we will have a new outlook and we will certainly do more things effectively.

We will truly enjoy the confetti flying, we will be happy experiencing the fireworks at the stroke of midnight, and we will know that the little keys we have in our back pockets will not only open those big locks of opportunities but they will bring smiles that reflect our grateful attitudes for the things we learned.

And because we accomplished eating less and losing weight we can enjoy a New Year Cake pop on a stick and a fluted glass of the prettiest pink champagne from the flowing tower of Chataeu Rose.

We will have found a love and appreciation for ourselves that allowes our hearts to open and find that one true love that we can grow old with. Bursting with confidence we will be able to ask boldly for that kiss to start at 11:59 and go until 12:01 so that our old year will end right and the new start will have the perfect beginning.

Tick tock, Tick tock the hand strikes midnight and the pop, fizz and clinks we hear are the noises we will be hearing as we sing that old Scottish tune Auld Lang Syne. We will toast to the old friends of failure, disappointment, and excuse making ... they will be forgotten and to our new friends that enjoy sharing in the sweetness of success!

We will proudly open another journal with empty pages and fill the blankness with words of encouragement, people, and situations we are grateful for and the successes and achievements worthy of writing down.

We will have changed into the people we are meant to be. We will have discovered that we are the people that we always thought we could be and we will believe that there will never be, in the past or in the future, anybody that will be like us.

We know there really is no time limit we can grow or stay the same, there are no rules to this. We can make the worst of it or we will make the best of it, we will embrace the things that startle us and we will feel the feelings we have never felt before. We will enjoy new and different points of view and live lives that we will be proud of.

So lets toast to the new book we will call Opportunity and start by writing the first entry in indigo ink with the promise of filling each page with our own sweat, blood and tears.

With our glasses raised let me say this: My hope to you is that you have the determination, the strength and the audacity to make it through this year with resolutions achieved and ambition to start all over again. May your coming year be filled with hopes, dreams, magic and good madness and somewhere in the next year I hope you surprise yourself!

Happy brand spanking, sparkly covered, shiny, open new book with empty pages, full of promise, hopeful New Year!

Discipline.

The first time in my life that I really had to use discipline was the first 10 days after my first doctors appointment. True discipline was needed to get me through 10 gruelin' days of eating only four things for breakfast, lunch and dinner. My only options were rice, pears, sweet potatoes and wild meat.
(ok, ok, if you expand on the wild meat category than I had a few other options.) The meats included elk, venison, salmon and a few other random creatures from the sea.

Hummm ... how was this goin' to work and in how many ways could I cheat? How could I sneak in a few cookies? Pasta? or a big pot of mashed taters? The options and the cravin's were endless but the discipline that I pulled out was clearly not my own. Deep down I know where it came from and am thankful for the extra help. Funny how the mind will try to trick you into thinkin' that you can't survive with out chips, cake or better yet CUPCAKES!!!

Whinin' and cryin' commenced through those 10 days of only eatin' the four things. Once I figured out garlic and cinnamon were in the pills that I was taking to clean out my GI track - Voila! - fresh garlic was introduced. Cinnamon came in the next mornin' when I grilled my pears on the bbq and ate them over a bowl of rice. One can become very creative when stuck with only 4 things to eat. Readin' the labels of the meds from a natural-path can open up the whole herb world and bring back flavor!

Understandably, the body does get tired of eatin' a few things but it simplified what was for dinner and for 10 days I didn't hear the dreaded question "What"s for dinner?"

The days were long are hard, energy levels where super low and the headaches that came due to the sugar cravin's were like living through detox of some bad drug. The shakes kicked in and the naps were endless but I stuck to the plan. The headaches stopped a week into the process and the cravings for watermelon kicked in hard! Anythin' green actually! That was it I couldn't take it anymore. The naps were great and I had enjoyed giving every excuse for nappin' and gettin' away with it but there came a point when even I noticed it was too much.

I needed lettuce, carrots, celery!
I needed greens!!

This was not because I missed them oh, so much. My body was cravin' greens out of a life and death situation. Greens pronto! Greens stat!! Greens in an IV!!

This was the one and only time that I broke down and ate a salad. Turns out that was one of the greatest moves that my brain decided to make. The energy levels perked up and in four hours I had the entire house cleaned and laundry done. BUT as soon as the energy came on (doom, boom, doom) I crashed. Back to the couch I landed for a three hour nap.

When Dr. Mandy heard the story of the salad she ended up changin' my medicines around. Originally she had ordered a pre-natal that would boost my vitamin deficiency, which it did, but she handed me a huge bottle and said make a shake everyday with a scoop of this. (She was so cute at this point. She lit up and a shit eatin' grin came across her face as if she was a stranger handin' me a piece of candy!) Antioxidants!!! My new candy was in the form of blended pears, water, a scoop of this strange yellow powdery stuff, cinnamon and ice. Good thing it was the middle of summer.

Sticking to something for any length of time has really never been a "thing" for me. If somethin' didn't work then I would instantly move on. Switch gears. Move out of town. Get rid of everythin'.

Discipline this time was not an option.

To heal I needed to stick with my new found candy. This meant that I had to have a change. Not just a change in diet to lose weight. I was starin' down the barrel of a shot gun and had to make one of the biggest life changes ever. Scary? Hell yes! I had to suck it up. I needed to have such a moment in time to stop me in my tracks and start me over. My eatin' habits were not all that bad. They were just not right for my insides. Eating foods I have been allergic to all my life was killin' me. All the chemicals, hormones and preservatives was maintainin' life but it wasn't a life that was goin' to be long lived or well lived. My death was loomin' and was goin' to be before I was old and it was goin' to be painful. Guaranteed.

Discipline comes every day now. The candy shakes are a permanent addition. The decisions about food are calculated, thought out, and seriously examined. Each meal is a balancin' act of choosing to suffer from a headaches and belly aches to eating a clean well deserved balanced meal. More often then not I choose to do the right. I choose to eat what I am supposed to and now the life change has created a lifestyle change with the garden. I choose to eat at home rather than eat out. I choose to preserve my foods rather then waste it by tossing the left overs out.

Next up will be a big blood draw again in November to see what is missing from the trace minerals. This will help break down the sugars that are still recordin' at high levels. We hope. Once the results are back, and we can see what is missin', then we will know what to do to make sure that the garden soil will be perfect and that we get the nutrients we need from that outside metabolism that we call dirt.