Autumn 2014. Grapes and Apples. Balance.

"Autumn, the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness." - Keats

Wow! Time really flies in the summer when time gets marked by the growin' of a garden. Time can be marked by the veggies bloomin', fruitin' and harvestin' but also by the harvest moon of September. The longer summer hours whizzzzz by like there is no tomorrow but the slower, quieter months of winter, well those hours linger longer than they really need to in my book.

Fog rollin' in on a summer mornin'

Fall brings the earth into balance one could say. Today the day hours are the same length as the night hours. Could they just stay that way until the Spring Equinox? Please! From here on out its a slippery slope into darkness. We live far enough North that the days will get to be dark by 4 and the morning sun will rise about 9. I will never move anywhere more North then this. Forget it!

So if this is the season of balance maybe that is why so much of my focus during the months of October and November are wrapped up in settin' goals for the next year, findin' a little bit more silence and searchin' for a little bit more family time. This year has been a great year and probably the first year I can officially say that I can make a list of the inner harvest things: ideas that were seeded, a garden that was planted, and a journal full of fruitful entries that will be great to look through over the next few years. This has been a year of gratitude, of growth and of change.

Nothin' but the best clippin's for the boys!

The one thing that bothers me the most about fall is the movin' back inside to stay warm, I fight the urge to turn the heat on as long as possible, but I will admit that bringin' out the blankets and snugglin' on the couch is a great way to spend an afternoon with the black boys! I don't like that the lawn furniture gets stored away or that the fire pit gets turned upside down when the snow starts to fall but then again I can finally get to those quiltin' projects that I have neglected for far too long.

Today, the first day of autumn 2014, brought a short but distinguished list of things to wrap up on my desk before I could go play.

Emails got read. Check.

A letter of reference got written. Check.

A blog post finally got written. Check.

Making a garden list of fall projects. Check.

Caught up with a good friend about her decision of gettin' married in a graveyard. Check.

Discussed picture takin', listened to a freak out from the drama king about said pictures. Ugh. Check.

The most fun was really spent in the pourin' down rain pickin' grapes and apples. Residential Foragin' thats what I am calling it now. This summer through mutual friends and through workin' projects we stumbled across a neglected grape vine that was burstin' with fruit. The vine has been tangled around a front porch arbor and a Japanese Maple of a wooded house for as long as I have lived on this rock. The current owners have no need for the luciousness that drip from the vines ... so they allowed us to forage. A trade you could say.

Todays residential foragin' finds.

Not only did we find gobs of grapes but we rounded up the apples that had dropped from the one tree so that I could finish up the applesauce.

Apples.

The only really big thing that I could use to hold the load of grapes was my work bucket. A very large blue plastic bucket that has seen better days but has been put to use packin' plants, rocks, soil, mulch, logs, extra veggie and fruit loot and so on from anywhere I could when the gettin' was good. Today it was proud to bring home the little round green packages of sugar! Pure sweet grapes that melt in your mouth ... they are that sweet.

Grapes.

This past weekend we borrowed a sugar reader thingy-majig from the local winery and tested the sugar content. The master wine maker said that the grapes were ideal around the 17 mark and that it was unheard of to get 19 or even to a 20. Not understanding what that all meant until I had my eye glued to the little scope and could see the colors changin' and the readin' go up did it all make sense. We tested a few and were pretty excited about the levels that we were findin'. 17 on one grape. 18 on another and then 20!!

Hot damn! We got a 20!!

Thought 20 was unheard of?! 

Oh well. I didn't question. I was thrilled.

Really what else do you do with grapes in mass quantity such as this? Yes, you could sit around and eat them but since I have been banned from drinkin' mass bottled wines due to the sulfites that I am allergic to, we have a plan.

We are ready to make our own wine!!

This just might save Autumn's ass.

We hit up Amazon for the wine makin' kit and it has been sittin' on the top of the shelf just waitin' for the right time. The time has arrived! Going back for a moment though, can you all remember the "I Love Lucy Show" when Lucy and Ethel were at the winery and they were stompin' the grapes? That image as been stuck in my brain since we read the sugar levels last weekend.

Who would be my Ethel?

What fun we will have stompin', crushin' and drinkin' up the wine when it is ready!!

Maybe, just maybe it is time to rethink the celebration of Saturnalia this year! Our wine will be ready in three months time and it looks like December 17th through the 23rd would be the perfect time to break open a bottle and celebrate the returnin' of the sun with mass candles lit, the birth of the Son and our quest for knowledge and truth and the middle of the holiday season! Now this winter thing is looking a little more invitin'.

Self-Reliance. Freedom. Consequences.

There is something to be said about gardenin' and experiencin' fresh grown parsley as a freedom. One thing that could be mentioned is the obsessive weed pullin' and the constant need of keepin' things tighty. Another thing is the observation of the freedom that comes from not rushin' off to the store when  fresh herbs are needed for lasagna or that craving for butternut squash soup kicks in.

Herb patch just outside the front door.

Yes, that was the point of startin' my saucy garden but never realized how far this freedom thing could really go. (If you have followed the story on Facebook, Twitter or even Instagram you have noticed the name changed from #mysmallgarden or #mysaucygarden  to #mysaucysquashgarden.

So many squash!
So little time and jars!

Yes, I wanted to work my way out of the grocery store and not pay high prices for the food that I was just goin' to eat and eventually poop out. I have a hard time with spendin' a lot of money on such things. I know, I know food is a necessity but do I really need to pay more then half my life savin's to support my necessity problem? I think not.

What I didn't bargain for was the total thoughts of freedom that has begun to fill my mind! I am a girl that doesn't like to work, nor do I like to work hard. Ok. I better clarify that statement. If I start a project for my own personal enjoyment, or purpose then I will work hard at seein' it finished. The garden is the perfect example of this idea. I will work endlessly on waterin' or cannin' but weedin' somewhere else for people that don't enjoy their gardens is harder for me to justify. I get the work done and I do a good job but it really isn't the same. Time restrictions or competency have slowed some projects but when I look to the bigger picture the finished projects will only add to the outcome of total food freedom.

Taking down the fence and revealing the back yard.

More clean-up is needed! Need to plant more food!

I have a yard of unfinished garden projects but that will not detour me from always startin' new ones and improvin' on the already existin' ones. Boobie pink garden boxes for instance. I have 12 foot pieces of wood that are painted a lovely shade of boobie pink pointin' to the sky waiting to be cut down and screwed together. They have been leanin' up against the house, the fence and the shed for a month and I have grown fond of the color! My schedule sometimes doesn't match others and so they sit waitin' for construction day. Those lovely boards will see there full potential soon! Sorry neighbors.

Beautiful boobie pink garden boxes in the making.

Gobs of left over paint from the shed created such a gorgeous pink color ;)

Then there is the garden with a time schedule of its own. Plantin' comes early in Spring, compostin' it all comes just before the snow hits in the Winter. There is 256 days in the mean time to harvest, dry, jar or preserve everythin'. Life can get chaotic through this time especially if the plan is to store up for more then a month. This saucy garden has helped pack away enough veggies for at least 1 year so far!

The garden has not been a group effort, it has been truly a one woman dance and for that I am thankful. Don't get me wrong the black boys have done their fair share of pullin' "weeds" aka salad greens, collard greens and such but the overall effort has been a solo show.

Findin' that I can pull together almost three hundred square feet of toiled dirt and produce some pretty amazin' photos and tasty food has truly been an eye opener and a challenge that has been very rewardin'.

As I have learned ... the best way to do anythin' is to do it myself.
To be self-reliant.

There comes a personal freedom in the process of doin' things alone. No one else has the ambition to run out every mornin' and pick what is ripe. (Right after a few camera shots get clicked off). No one else has the excitement of watchin' yet another zucchini ripen in late August like I do and frankly my heart is alright with that. Others in the house will benefit from the food but it is up to me to keep it all growin' and producin'.

What I am really gettin' at is ... it's nice to be livin' in the freedom that I have always dreamt about. Livin' in this new freedom is allowin' the life that I have always wanted. Free from excessive bills and the credit card trap. Free from runnin' off every mornin' to a job I hate and freedom to make better choices based on the plans I set for myself. There are the day-to-day rituals of goin' to work but even that has taken on a new emotional energy. Relief rather then stress, calmness instead of dread, 3 hours of gardenin' for someone rather than 8 eight hours of pure hell workin' for the dreams of others.

I am livin' in MY fantasy!
I am at the start of livin' in MY dreams!

No longer are the words "if only" rollin' off my tongue. No longer am I blamin' others for what I am not gettin' or what I am needin'. Takin' the monster blackberry and wrestin' it to the ground you could say. There is no more dark shadows lingerin' over me, forcin' me to choose between fresh or canned, suckin' me in to eatin' the wrong foods or shoppin' for the sodium-filled-boxes that line the shelves because that is what I can afford. No more goin' hungry.

Trust me, you wont see me runnin' off to join some major radical group pushin' their "believe-us-we-are-right" agenda now, nor will you see words come across your screen tryin' to convince you into somethin' that you really don't desire either. Your freedoms are different then mine. Ahhh ... but you will find me mixin' and stirin' in some kelp meal in my compost for the trace minerals that the body needs.

The cost of freedom isn't cheep. It doesn't cost a buck o' five. There are consequences and hard choices that lead to givin' up one thing for somethin' better. Makin' the sacrifice of not growin' eggplant but more tomatoes for salsa, for example.

This saucy squash garden has fought many battles this summer and has won many victories but there has been a few battles that we couldn't win, a few give an takes that were hard pressed. The corn suffered dearly under the leadership of the flies and in a matter of hours was completely devastated, only a few young ears were salvaged. Each lesson that was learned this summer will only prove that this whole adventure was worth while, it will drive me to learn more about fruits and veggies, and it will keep the momentum goin' through the cold winter months.

Next years plans for the garden are already underway. Design plans have been thought out but not yet put to paper. New 2x12's, recycled doors and 4x4's have been collected, purchased, or rummaged so that the new plantin' boxes will begin to take form. In this case the small little victories and the loses of this year has brought on the excitement to build more freedoms and to build a bigger better garden. My hope runs deep but most of all my actions are propellin' me closer to livin' and experiencin' other freedoms that are needed for better health in all aspects of life.

You could say the biggest changes have been findin' the gumption needed to turn the grass to soil, the inertia to seed and care for the starts, and the stamina to see each leafy plant to the compost bin. Now there are bigger changes on the horizon. So I continue to dream, plan, and produce mass amounts of squash!

No more miracle wishin'.
No more searchin' for a new body to fall from the sky.
No more prayin' for a way out of my sickness. I have found the answers.

... and I have found my healthy eatin' freedom.

Rocks. Roses. Naked Ladies.

Yesterday mornin' started out with an invitation to a new neighborhood that I had never explored. See, I am not the kinda girl that just goes runnin' rampant through things without an invitation ... well in the daylight anyways ;). Ok, that was a flat out lie. I had just never been interested or had an invitation to this neighborhood until now.

Loaded up the "dog car" with the tools that I would need and a cold drink of lemon water. I was bound for new beds ... rock beds. This was going to be a breeze. The gardens that normally require my undivided attention are sprawled out over acreage with boomin' orchards and vast veggie gardens ... this was three beds the size of my MPV. This was goin' to be three hours of fresh air, like a sea breeze blowin' in on hot summers concrete.

The neighbor hood is an adventure all by itself. If you have ever seen the show Weeds and listened to the theme song then you would understand the tiny little boxes coverin' a hillside. This is not the richest of hoods when it comes to money and that clearly shows in the little garden spaces that were alloted to each home.

People are growin' veggies and attitudes along fence lines and in boxes crammed in any spot and crevice that they could find. Flowers were bustin' out of flower boxes and old cracked tires but the one thing that captured my attention was not the look of the entire landscape ... but the people. This is a community that is rich in tradition, in culture and in family. That settled any issues of where I was, if there was any.

Rollin' in at the top of the hill was the three beds that I was goin' to work through.
Three beds the size of my van! Did I say that already? Still amazed.

Rock garden of roses!

When lookin' over each bed and makin' mental notes of what was needin' done I started to notice the smallest of details. It's a wonder what you can learn about people by workin' over their garden spaces. This was and will be a garden for the #tweezerweeder or was it? I was a little confused. Everyone has there own version of a clean house and believe it or not everyone has their own version of a clean garden bed. Thank gawd, there are no sheets to fold in a garden.

Yes the gentleman that lives here had worked through one of the beds prior to my arrival but the other two were a mess but out of the mess was growin' the most amazin' roses. Could I measure up to the cleanly side of things the way he did? The bed on the left side of the driveway that he cleaned out was pretty tight. By tight I mean nothin' touchin'. Nothin' growin' into another. Crisp lines on the ground cover. Perfectly buddin' roses. Then BOOM unruly peppermint. Confusion set in.

Beauty lies within the heart.

The right side of the driveway had a rock garden that was unruly. Big plants that were pruned to fit. Ground covers that spread like wildfire and succulents that were bein' choked out and dyin' off. I had to stop in the middle of the driveway at one point and look to both sides. I probably looked like a bobble head to any of the spyin' neighbors. How was I going to get the right side to look perfect as the left side did. I resigned to think that it wasn't going to happen and did my best to pull the weeds.

There are a few things that top the list of great satisfaction and I can think of a few right now that would be better then writin' this blog post but I will restrain just for you. For me #5 on the list is crawlin' around under bushes for the instant gratification of a well weeded bed. Little did I know what I would find under the limbs of the bushes and lurkin' in the shadows.

Nakedness.
White, Naked Ladies to be exact. 2 of them.

What was I to do? Admire them and move them. So, that I did. Works of art they were really. Special ladies that were perfectly place in a spot of prominence but still covered by their green curtain so that they had a little modesty. I moved them closer to the sun but still kept them hidden from the gawkers.

My hours ended with a clean-up of rakin' out the leaves, left over weeds and spreadin' a bag of compost buildin' mulch. Addin' a layer of fresh mulch gives a garden that finished polished look as a freshly waxed sports car. Last thing on the list was tuckin' the nakedness in for another warm summer, a long cold winter and walkin' away from the lovely ladies leavin' them undisturbed and quiet. The garden now looks tended and loved.

Blackberry Troubles.

This week is going to be a hectic week, filled with long, full, fun hours at the County Fair and time spent slingin' shirts in the best friends booth.

This mornin' though has started the week off perfectly. To the East the sun was comin' up just behind a thick enough cloud of smoke from all the fires brewing here in the Northwest that it was showin' its splendar as a bright orange glowin' ball. To the West just out past the shore you could spy the last of the Super Moon of August. Mornings around here are still quiet yet they are on the brink of bringin' the chill of Autumn. This time next month the mornings will be a bit darker, the kids will be headed into school, traffic will double and the noises will just plain increase. Treasurin' the silence of the mornings now.

One of the things I love about my Monday mornin' routine is the little house on Caine Street. This house has been in the same family for multiple generations and it's truly a family I have grown to love dearly. I have the opportunity and have for several years now, of taking care of the landscape and workin' my magic all over it. Everythin' from waterin' the one pot on the front porch by the front door to the massive under takin' of prunin' the fruit trees that line the public sidewalk.

There was one thing that stuck out this mornin' as I watered the clematis and the rose by the gate. There is this great mound of creepy crawly ground cover that is just massive in size and it's just this beautiful lush green mass of leaves. As I looked and pondered how this stuff was so green without water - not only did it amaze - me but it was also tryin' to hide a huge hairy leg that was growin' at least 6 feet tall!

We are talkin' a spider leg from some scary movie tall,
a good mix between scifi and halloween tall.
Optimus Prime Tall.

How could I have missed this massive BLACKBERRY!!

Now I have at least three options runnin' through my head as what to do with this monster.

1. I could leave it as if I didn't see it. You know ... deny the fact I saw it and run really fast away from the house as if the big creature was chasing me and call the owner that lives in Australia and quit instantly! Never go back and let someone else deal with the issue and pretend to the rest of the world that I never saw it and that it didn't scare the crap out of me. (Reread this paragraph really fast, then stop and breathe really hard a few times and ask for water!)

2. I could tackle the beast to the ground only to clip the leg right at the soil level. Yes, this would buy me a little time until I really need to get back and deal with it. But would I? I could cover it nicely with the lush green ground cover and repeat the process as I seen new leaves sproutin' over the tops reachin' for the light. This could be a good option if I always wanted to keep it hidden and constantly be maintainin' its hidden place. Sounds like a lot of work for the long term but and easy way out right now.

3. Option 3 is a bit more challengin' and one that rings a little bit more like somethin' that I would do. EXCAVATE!! Start out with a shovel to really size up the issue and fully understand where the roots were going and how to get to the bottom of this spidery issue. Don't get me wrong I love me some good black berries and they have there place but this one ... well .. it is in the wrong place. If I need to I will call in reinforcements and truly dig up that sucker with an excavator.

The best and true clean up work is down when we can really get down and dirty with the problem at hand. Find out the root of problem and dig up everything that keeps the spidery problem growin'. The cleaner the clean-up job the better my odds of not dealin' with that issue again. In this case the blackberry again.

I find this is true with most things.

We had a great bbq with a friend an neighbor last night and the conversation turned to metaphors from the garden and how we if we took time to strengthen our own roots and we took up the space so well around the base of our plant structure we would not allow the weeds in. AKA crappy friends, crappy decisions, and so on. We would find that there would be no room for the weed seeds to set, grow or reseed.

If you have ever taken on a black berry before you can truly appreciate what I am talking about. These guys are massive in height and come from a central base. Canes come from the center each year and produce the most wonderful fruit, BUT their massive size also allows a crowd of 20 to party underneath with out even being bothered by a single weed.

Guess they know exactly what to do with their roots!

Seriously.

Gettin' serious and growin' up.

That is really what its all about.

What I originally thought would be a veggie garden to play around in has really turned into a serious grow up moment not only for me but for the plants that have established themselves in the ground next to the house. Much to my surprise the garden has taken off and exploded to its full potential.

Now it's August and I have come to the realization that the growin' up of the corn and tomatoes has afforded me that time to also grow up and get serious about the future of the side of the house.

Tripled the original garden space!

The garden is now a permanent fixture. 

Period.

Yes, I am done relyin' on "scraps" or "hand-outs"or sub-grade foods it's time to be serious about the healthy eatin' habits of myself and the others that share in the bounty. The other posts explain my disdain for the fruits and veggies that are available in the local grocery store so I will spare you the trauma of goin' through that again, but I will say THAT WAS the definin' moment of gettin' serious.

How serious you ask?
Look at the actions that have been taken over the summer to provide a healthy eatin' garden.
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Comin' to the next realization of knowin' that no one was going to hand over the freshest food and no one was going to feed me the good stuff on a daily basis ... I decided to do it myself.

That is just thing I would do to. I like being in control.
Sometimes a little to much.

My mind was set and so the garden space was cleared, rocks removed, tilled and planted in a matter of a weekend. You see. The brain inside my head had to come to the conclusion that there had to be a garden or it was suffer the consequences of huge medical bills later. The outcome was an easy decision.
Spend money on green growy things then doctors and lawyers and such ...

Smallest garden space. Ever. Need a revamp!

The decision was made.
The biggest hurdle had been over come.
The rocks were removed and there was nothin' stoppin' progress!

The choice of raisin' excellent food was an option no more. It became a must for a better life!

I will admit that there are days where I am lazy and don't want to weed or tend that lush jungle, I know that between the second and third row lies the greenest patch of grass in the whole neighborhood but that hasn't stopped the momentum of this fast movin' radish patch.

A little spray paint, a perfectly helpful black boy and a shovel

is all that is needed to whip this into shape.

Maybe, just maybe the garden space was too big for the first year but the thoughts of expansion now match the abilities and the reality. Realistic goals have been set and the timeline has and inevitable end when the sun starts sinkin' and the days start shrinkin' and the green starts turnin'.

If I were to ask some good questions of myself and the garden as of right now ... they would look something like this:

1. Was I fully aware of the preparation that was needed when the bounty started flowin'?
Sorta. (shoulder shrug) No, not really. (Head shakes from side to side).

I had a clear picture of what a garden could produce but was expectin' to lose a few plants along the way. Wasn't expectin' them all to live and thrive! 6 Zucchini plants is way tooooo many for 2 people.

Didn't look like much when the starts went in.

2. Will I be prepared next year? Yes! I have already started the new layout of the garden space, have moved an existin' shed to expand the space, and have collected wood to build up the beds so that there will be better control of the soil.

Shed moved 90 degrees! Fresh dirt!

Who will win? Grass or Food?

3. How am I doing with problems, pest and overcrowded tomatoes? Really!? Who isn't thrilled beyond themselves when their tomatoes actually grow in the Northwest? To have them overcrowded is a blessin' this year. They are relyin' on each other for support. (Another lesson for another post) Doesn't seem to hinder production either!! My concern now is how many jars will I need??

As for the pests. The cabbage moth is just too cute to destroy, I have more fun in watchin' them and chasin' them away but I know that is not the best solution to the holes in the leaves of my cabbages and  my Brussels sprouts. The holes haven't stopped me from eatin' either.

4. Has the garden gone the extra mile? For a 10x30 space this garden has produced enough zucchini to fill my jars and the bellies of a few neighbors and friends. The pumpkins will fill the pies that will feed a community at Thanksgivin' and the tomatoes well ... we will see. Extra mile or two ... I would say so but there could be more.

Pumpkins poppin' out under the corn.

5. What could be some proactive activities that can be taken to go beyond the garden space and what I have learned over the summer of 2014? This is easy! There are a couple things that come to mind right away. Grow-A-Row. The program that donates fresh veggies to the local Food Bank. What a great way to give back! Also the Fruits and Vegetable section of the County Fair needs a new Super. for 2015. Guess who has signed up!? Saucy Roots!!

This has been a great challenge so far and a challenge that will continue to keep growin'. The notebook and journal is full of thoughts, ideas and changes for next years garden space and for the Fair.

The greens after a summer rain.

Growin' a garden can be done by anyone. Seeds are inexpensive if you pick your favorites, you don't have to buy them all. Buy the ones you will eat. Set out a plan of space in your yard or in pots on your patio. Believe me, I would rather be homeless with good character and a few seeds then a stuck up billionaire that is afraid to get dirty.

Gettin' down and dirty!

The gettin' serious part had to click.

The growin' up part had to happen.

Yet ... the gardener still has many lessons to learn
and the garden still has many lessons to teach.

Sweet-Addiction-Curing Stevia.

Hello, my name is Dez! and I am an addict.

I am addicted to sugar.
I am addicted to shoppin'.
I am addicted to things that satisfy.

AND

I am addicted to green growy things.

I have not been clean for any length of time when it comes to green growy things and frankly, I am ok with that. Every chance I get and every extra dollar that lands in my pocket gets forked out ... straight into the hands of my suppliers. The habit is a tough one to break. The years of build-up, pent-up anger and heart attack causing stress have left their marks as empty holes in my heart and soul which, has lead me to care for things that should be left to rot or whither. Sorry to say but dogs are a whole other story.

I hit up the sales racks just jonesin' for a good dying plant deal. My clothes are from the junk stores because I cannot force myself to save money and buy things that would look good on me. Instead I wear dirty old jeans, raggedy old t-shirts and beat up old tennis shoes. My hair is always pulled back since I can't stand to get a hair cut on a regular basis to look appropriate in public.

But I am here to tell you that it's hard to watch some perfectly good plant be ripped out of the ground only to be tossed away or left to die. Watchin' the slow death of a plant just kills me a little on the inside. Especially if that plant is edible in anyway.

Yes, I am a plant addict.
I have been labeled our local Plant Amnesty.
Sometimes I am proud of my label and today is one of those days.

Had a little extra time on my hands after my first garden clean up and this is usually when I get into trouble. I was readin' through a new book that I found called The Backyard Homesteader ... about the herbs you can grow at home for makin' teas and what-not. Off I went straight to my local dealer. There I stocked up on lemon verbena, pineapple sage, and stevia. (Finally, sugar in a plant form and its on my deck!! Insert happy dance here!!) Other herbs such as: basil, catnip, spearmint, peppermint, orange peppermint, lavender, sage and rosemary already reside next to the front deck, happily planted and harvested all summer long for cookin' and for other medicinal purposes. I am set. Almost.

Really my addiction for green growy things is never satisfied.

There are just two ... no wait ... three plants that still need to come home and as soon as I can dig them up, salvage them from a garden, or save their little leaves and daisy like flowers from the compost bin then they will be mine. Chamomile, Echinacea and Jasmine, I await your presence with baited breath. (By the way this paragraph has been changed three times to get the right amount of plants in. See I have got it bad. I just keep thinkin' more, more, more!)

Everyday is rough. My mind spins out of control on the plants that will set me free from the bondage I feel from the grocery store. Yet one day I now deep in my heart I will be set free! I will be able to raise my middle finger to the ones that force us to buy lower grade fruits and veggies. I will proudly walk by those price gougin' stores and keep my dollars in my pocket so that I can spend them on seeds, starts, or trees. One day. One day.

Discipline.

The first time in my life that I really had to use discipline was the first 10 days after my first doctors appointment. True discipline was needed to get me through 10 gruelin' days of eating only four things for breakfast, lunch and dinner. My only options were rice, pears, sweet potatoes and wild meat.
(ok, ok, if you expand on the wild meat category than I had a few other options.) The meats included elk, venison, salmon and a few other random creatures from the sea.

Hummm ... how was this goin' to work and in how many ways could I cheat? How could I sneak in a few cookies? Pasta? or a big pot of mashed taters? The options and the cravin's were endless but the discipline that I pulled out was clearly not my own. Deep down I know where it came from and am thankful for the extra help. Funny how the mind will try to trick you into thinkin' that you can't survive with out chips, cake or better yet CUPCAKES!!!

Whinin' and cryin' commenced through those 10 days of only eatin' the four things. Once I figured out garlic and cinnamon were in the pills that I was taking to clean out my GI track - Voila! - fresh garlic was introduced. Cinnamon came in the next mornin' when I grilled my pears on the bbq and ate them over a bowl of rice. One can become very creative when stuck with only 4 things to eat. Readin' the labels of the meds from a natural-path can open up the whole herb world and bring back flavor!

Understandably, the body does get tired of eatin' a few things but it simplified what was for dinner and for 10 days I didn't hear the dreaded question "What"s for dinner?"

The days were long are hard, energy levels where super low and the headaches that came due to the sugar cravin's were like living through detox of some bad drug. The shakes kicked in and the naps were endless but I stuck to the plan. The headaches stopped a week into the process and the cravings for watermelon kicked in hard! Anythin' green actually! That was it I couldn't take it anymore. The naps were great and I had enjoyed giving every excuse for nappin' and gettin' away with it but there came a point when even I noticed it was too much.

I needed lettuce, carrots, celery!
I needed greens!!

This was not because I missed them oh, so much. My body was cravin' greens out of a life and death situation. Greens pronto! Greens stat!! Greens in an IV!!

This was the one and only time that I broke down and ate a salad. Turns out that was one of the greatest moves that my brain decided to make. The energy levels perked up and in four hours I had the entire house cleaned and laundry done. BUT as soon as the energy came on (doom, boom, doom) I crashed. Back to the couch I landed for a three hour nap.

When Dr. Mandy heard the story of the salad she ended up changin' my medicines around. Originally she had ordered a pre-natal that would boost my vitamin deficiency, which it did, but she handed me a huge bottle and said make a shake everyday with a scoop of this. (She was so cute at this point. She lit up and a shit eatin' grin came across her face as if she was a stranger handin' me a piece of candy!) Antioxidants!!! My new candy was in the form of blended pears, water, a scoop of this strange yellow powdery stuff, cinnamon and ice. Good thing it was the middle of summer.

Sticking to something for any length of time has really never been a "thing" for me. If somethin' didn't work then I would instantly move on. Switch gears. Move out of town. Get rid of everythin'.

Discipline this time was not an option.

To heal I needed to stick with my new found candy. This meant that I had to have a change. Not just a change in diet to lose weight. I was starin' down the barrel of a shot gun and had to make one of the biggest life changes ever. Scary? Hell yes! I had to suck it up. I needed to have such a moment in time to stop me in my tracks and start me over. My eatin' habits were not all that bad. They were just not right for my insides. Eating foods I have been allergic to all my life was killin' me. All the chemicals, hormones and preservatives was maintainin' life but it wasn't a life that was goin' to be long lived or well lived. My death was loomin' and was goin' to be before I was old and it was goin' to be painful. Guaranteed.

Discipline comes every day now. The candy shakes are a permanent addition. The decisions about food are calculated, thought out, and seriously examined. Each meal is a balancin' act of choosing to suffer from a headaches and belly aches to eating a clean well deserved balanced meal. More often then not I choose to do the right. I choose to eat what I am supposed to and now the life change has created a lifestyle change with the garden. I choose to eat at home rather than eat out. I choose to preserve my foods rather then waste it by tossing the left overs out.

Next up will be a big blood draw again in November to see what is missing from the trace minerals. This will help break down the sugars that are still recordin' at high levels. We hope. Once the results are back, and we can see what is missin', then we will know what to do to make sure that the garden soil will be perfect and that we get the nutrients we need from that outside metabolism that we call dirt.